Quotes on a lighter note...

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."

"The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath".

"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."

"I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids."

"You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try."

"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."

"An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep."

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."

"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"